If you are seeing this post it means that all of the Doomsday people were wrong and the world did not come to an end on 12/21/2012. Or maybe you are an alien sifting through the rubble after the destruction and are happening upon this trying to figure out what the Hell happened to Earth.
At any rate, this post is being written well before the impending apocalypse.... just in case, you know. I'd hate to miss the opportunity just because I was dead.
Not that I actually believe the world is coming to an end, but I like to hedge my bets and make sure that every once in a while I can lock in a "sure thing".
In actuality, though, I know only one thing to be certain... that I will, eventually, end up having to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Aggravating Landlord
Dear Apartment Manager,
Unlike my neighbors, I don't slam doors, have kids who are outside screaming as if they are being murdered from 7AM until well past midnight or play my music so loud that walls shake and small birds are flung from their nests from the sheer vibration. Why, then, do you torment me?
I pay my rent on time (most months EARLY) and in full every month. I pay my utilities on time (most months EARLY ) and in full every month. I only ask for maintenance when the problem is something I absolutely cannot safely repair myself. I am clean, quiet and courteous. I don't have my guests park in resident spots for 2-3 weeks at a time. I don't have a dog that I leave on my porch for 24 hours a day, even when it's cold. (Seriously, I have a neighbor who has a small dog that is left outside all the time and when I walk by in the morning and it's 28 degrees outside I hear the poor little thing whimpering... it breaks my heart).
I have to conjecture that you hate me for reasons I cannot fathom when you send notices that are vague and past due notices when I've never, ever paid late. I know that you have a plethora of absolutely horrid tenants, so why are you treating those who are good like we are something nasty you stepped in and now you want to get us off the bottom of your shoe?
It all makes me so upset that next time you want your rent money, I want to tell you to GoTo Helyn Wayte!
No Love Whatsoever,
Helyn Wayte
Unlike my neighbors, I don't slam doors, have kids who are outside screaming as if they are being murdered from 7AM until well past midnight or play my music so loud that walls shake and small birds are flung from their nests from the sheer vibration. Why, then, do you torment me?
I pay my rent on time (most months EARLY) and in full every month. I pay my utilities on time (most months EARLY ) and in full every month. I only ask for maintenance when the problem is something I absolutely cannot safely repair myself. I am clean, quiet and courteous. I don't have my guests park in resident spots for 2-3 weeks at a time. I don't have a dog that I leave on my porch for 24 hours a day, even when it's cold. (Seriously, I have a neighbor who has a small dog that is left outside all the time and when I walk by in the morning and it's 28 degrees outside I hear the poor little thing whimpering... it breaks my heart).
I have to conjecture that you hate me for reasons I cannot fathom when you send notices that are vague and past due notices when I've never, ever paid late. I know that you have a plethora of absolutely horrid tenants, so why are you treating those who are good like we are something nasty you stepped in and now you want to get us off the bottom of your shoe?
It all makes me so upset that next time you want your rent money, I want to tell you to GoTo Helyn Wayte!
No Love Whatsoever,
Helyn Wayte
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Fear
Dear Future,
You're very uncertain right now. I honestly don't see how everything is going to turn out allright even though I am trying to paste on a smile and be positive and happy and make it look like I'm not at all worried. Truth be told I am absolutely terrified that I'm going to lose everything and end up alone, with nothing and that all of the people I know will shake their heads and tell me I deserve to end up in ruin.
I've tried to make everything ok, but I keep running into walls everywhere I turn. And I am afraid. And I want to give up but I can't. I want someone to do the impossible and help me make everything all right. Actually, I know someone with that power, but it's too much for me to ask. And no one owes me anything.
I'm not sure what to do next. It's very tempting to just give up and make the final exit. Yes, it seems that hopeless. I'm sorry. Maybe it's time for ME to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Regretfully,
Helyn Wayte
You're very uncertain right now. I honestly don't see how everything is going to turn out allright even though I am trying to paste on a smile and be positive and happy and make it look like I'm not at all worried. Truth be told I am absolutely terrified that I'm going to lose everything and end up alone, with nothing and that all of the people I know will shake their heads and tell me I deserve to end up in ruin.
I've tried to make everything ok, but I keep running into walls everywhere I turn. And I am afraid. And I want to give up but I can't. I want someone to do the impossible and help me make everything all right. Actually, I know someone with that power, but it's too much for me to ask. And no one owes me anything.
I'm not sure what to do next. It's very tempting to just give up and make the final exit. Yes, it seems that hopeless. I'm sorry. Maybe it's time for ME to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Regretfully,
Helyn Wayte
Monday, January 9, 2012
Oh, Insomnia...
Oh Insomnia,
You are so doggedly persistent. You keep me up on weekends. You keep me up on weeknights, which are work nights, you keep me up when my fondest wish is to just go to sleep.
I give you a variety of drugs and home remedies in an effort to make you find another home. To no avail. You resist all of my efforts to free myself from your embrace. It's so fortunate for you that I have no health insurance or we would see how you would fare against Ambien. You turn melatonin into nightmares and most sleep aids into a day of foggy and groggy following their use.
This is no way to live, Insomnia. I'm someone who needs sleep. If I don't get sleep then I get crabby and take it out on those around me and then they do not like me anymore. I try not to do this, I try to tell them it's you, but they don't seem to understand, having never had you as an acquaintance.
Darken my doorstep nomore or I will continue to beseech you to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Exhaustedly,
Helyn
You are so doggedly persistent. You keep me up on weekends. You keep me up on weeknights, which are work nights, you keep me up when my fondest wish is to just go to sleep.
I give you a variety of drugs and home remedies in an effort to make you find another home. To no avail. You resist all of my efforts to free myself from your embrace. It's so fortunate for you that I have no health insurance or we would see how you would fare against Ambien. You turn melatonin into nightmares and most sleep aids into a day of foggy and groggy following their use.
This is no way to live, Insomnia. I'm someone who needs sleep. If I don't get sleep then I get crabby and take it out on those around me and then they do not like me anymore. I try not to do this, I try to tell them it's you, but they don't seem to understand, having never had you as an acquaintance.
Darken my doorstep nomore or I will continue to beseech you to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Exhaustedly,
Helyn
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
