Dear Future,
You're very uncertain right now. I honestly don't see how everything is going to turn out allright even though I am trying to paste on a smile and be positive and happy and make it look like I'm not at all worried. Truth be told I am absolutely terrified that I'm going to lose everything and end up alone, with nothing and that all of the people I know will shake their heads and tell me I deserve to end up in ruin.
I've tried to make everything ok, but I keep running into walls everywhere I turn. And I am afraid. And I want to give up but I can't. I want someone to do the impossible and help me make everything all right. Actually, I know someone with that power, but it's too much for me to ask. And no one owes me anything.
I'm not sure what to do next. It's very tempting to just give up and make the final exit. Yes, it seems that hopeless. I'm sorry. Maybe it's time for ME to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Regretfully,
Helyn Wayte
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Oh, Insomnia...
Oh Insomnia,
You are so doggedly persistent. You keep me up on weekends. You keep me up on weeknights, which are work nights, you keep me up when my fondest wish is to just go to sleep.
I give you a variety of drugs and home remedies in an effort to make you find another home. To no avail. You resist all of my efforts to free myself from your embrace. It's so fortunate for you that I have no health insurance or we would see how you would fare against Ambien. You turn melatonin into nightmares and most sleep aids into a day of foggy and groggy following their use.
This is no way to live, Insomnia. I'm someone who needs sleep. If I don't get sleep then I get crabby and take it out on those around me and then they do not like me anymore. I try not to do this, I try to tell them it's you, but they don't seem to understand, having never had you as an acquaintance.
Darken my doorstep nomore or I will continue to beseech you to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Exhaustedly,
Helyn
You are so doggedly persistent. You keep me up on weekends. You keep me up on weeknights, which are work nights, you keep me up when my fondest wish is to just go to sleep.
I give you a variety of drugs and home remedies in an effort to make you find another home. To no avail. You resist all of my efforts to free myself from your embrace. It's so fortunate for you that I have no health insurance or we would see how you would fare against Ambien. You turn melatonin into nightmares and most sleep aids into a day of foggy and groggy following their use.
This is no way to live, Insomnia. I'm someone who needs sleep. If I don't get sleep then I get crabby and take it out on those around me and then they do not like me anymore. I try not to do this, I try to tell them it's you, but they don't seem to understand, having never had you as an acquaintance.
Darken my doorstep nomore or I will continue to beseech you to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Exhaustedly,
Helyn
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Relationship Fail
Dear Men I have had relationships with,
Lord knows I want to blame all of the fucktardery on you, but I cannot do so in good conscience. I'll admit it, I'm a bitch. I have unreasonable demands and expectations. I expect you to pay attention and know enough about me to know that I want a birthday present and to at least know that you can get ideas from my wishlist (wait... you're telling me you didn't even know I HAD a wishlist? Seriously? I've only pointed it out a dozen times or so...) Anyhoo, you can see that I have some pretty unreasonable standards and I know I can be a pouty/moody bitch when I don't get what I want. And the fact that I don't feel I should have to TELL you what I want is probably another red flag.
When you tell me at the beginning of a relationship that you don't want to get married and then change your mind, don't be surprised when I don't change my mind. Or when I completely go against everything I believe in, marry you and then a decade and a half later divorce you because I never wanted to be married in the first place.
In any case, guys, I'm sorry I screwed up your lives and probably made you hate/mistrust women even more than you did when we first met. I meant it when I said I wouldn't make you miserable like your ex did... I just didn't know at the time that I was going to make you miserable in new and completely different ways. I forgive you for regaling anyone who would listen with tales about what a psychotic, unreasonable bitch I am. You're probably not too far off the mark.
To anyone I may have a relationship with now or in the future... if you think marriage is in the cards, you can GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Charmingly,
The Life Destroying Harpy
Lord knows I want to blame all of the fucktardery on you, but I cannot do so in good conscience. I'll admit it, I'm a bitch. I have unreasonable demands and expectations. I expect you to pay attention and know enough about me to know that I want a birthday present and to at least know that you can get ideas from my wishlist (wait... you're telling me you didn't even know I HAD a wishlist? Seriously? I've only pointed it out a dozen times or so...) Anyhoo, you can see that I have some pretty unreasonable standards and I know I can be a pouty/moody bitch when I don't get what I want. And the fact that I don't feel I should have to TELL you what I want is probably another red flag.
When you tell me at the beginning of a relationship that you don't want to get married and then change your mind, don't be surprised when I don't change my mind. Or when I completely go against everything I believe in, marry you and then a decade and a half later divorce you because I never wanted to be married in the first place.
In any case, guys, I'm sorry I screwed up your lives and probably made you hate/mistrust women even more than you did when we first met. I meant it when I said I wouldn't make you miserable like your ex did... I just didn't know at the time that I was going to make you miserable in new and completely different ways. I forgive you for regaling anyone who would listen with tales about what a psychotic, unreasonable bitch I am. You're probably not too far off the mark.
To anyone I may have a relationship with now or in the future... if you think marriage is in the cards, you can GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Charmingly,
The Life Destroying Harpy
Friday, January 22, 2010
Grrrr! Frustrating Freelance Client
Dear Freelance Client,
I know that we do not have a formal agreement and I, therefore, take some of the responsibility for the current situation. However, at some point I believe you will have to admit to being a tad remiss, as well.
You tell me I will get paid when you collect on the billings I should be sending out. Which is all fine and dandy except that the remaining people I am billing are people I've sent bills to for two years now and these people have not responded. Nor have the bills been sent back (meaning that they are apparently getting to the addressee who is choosing to ignore them).
Being pissy with me is not going to get you paid. Please bear in mind that I am not a licensed collection agent and so cannot send letters on your behalf. I can mail bills but I think that we have shown that mailing bills is not getting any action.
Please excuse me if I don't jump at the chance to do more work for you when I know that it will, in essence be "volunteer work" because I'm not going to get paid for it. You can certainly ask me because, honestly, you can GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Respectfully,
Your disgruntled freelancer
I know that we do not have a formal agreement and I, therefore, take some of the responsibility for the current situation. However, at some point I believe you will have to admit to being a tad remiss, as well.
You tell me I will get paid when you collect on the billings I should be sending out. Which is all fine and dandy except that the remaining people I am billing are people I've sent bills to for two years now and these people have not responded. Nor have the bills been sent back (meaning that they are apparently getting to the addressee who is choosing to ignore them).
Being pissy with me is not going to get you paid. Please bear in mind that I am not a licensed collection agent and so cannot send letters on your behalf. I can mail bills but I think that we have shown that mailing bills is not getting any action.
Please excuse me if I don't jump at the chance to do more work for you when I know that it will, in essence be "volunteer work" because I'm not going to get paid for it. You can certainly ask me because, honestly, you can GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Respectfully,
Your disgruntled freelancer
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Clients who don't pay bills...
Dear Non-Paying Customer,
I do understand that money is tight and we all make sacrifices and sometimes we get a bit behind on our obligations. Heck, that even happens for me sometimes. But, you see, the difference between you and me is that I catch up on things and you seem to think it's fine to just not pay bills for years at a time.
Here's a clue by four to your noggin... ignoring the bill isn't going to make it go away. I suppose that EVENTUALLY the person you owe the money to could, maybe, die but barring that, the bill is going to be hanging out there... looming on your horizon. I can't imagine it's a good way to live.
You're right... the person you owe the money to probably isn't going to take you to Court... and I suppose you COULD be a douchebag and file for bankruptcy after there is a Judgment against you if he does take you to Court. I mean, one douchebag has already pulled that. If you do pull that, I will revel in the fact that you trashed your credit when you probably could have worked out a painless repayment plan.
So remember, next time you want work done you have no intention of paying for, you can GoTo Helyn Wayte!
Sincerely,
The person who does the billing around here
I do understand that money is tight and we all make sacrifices and sometimes we get a bit behind on our obligations. Heck, that even happens for me sometimes. But, you see, the difference between you and me is that I catch up on things and you seem to think it's fine to just not pay bills for years at a time.
Here's a clue by four to your noggin... ignoring the bill isn't going to make it go away. I suppose that EVENTUALLY the person you owe the money to could, maybe, die but barring that, the bill is going to be hanging out there... looming on your horizon. I can't imagine it's a good way to live.
You're right... the person you owe the money to probably isn't going to take you to Court... and I suppose you COULD be a douchebag and file for bankruptcy after there is a Judgment against you if he does take you to Court. I mean, one douchebag has already pulled that. If you do pull that, I will revel in the fact that you trashed your credit when you probably could have worked out a painless repayment plan.
So remember, next time you want work done you have no intention of paying for, you can GoTo Helyn Wayte!
Sincerely,
The person who does the billing around here
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Open letter to bill collector
Dear Bill Collector,
You call me 4-5 times a day. I answer and get a recorded message. I call the toll-free number you so thoughtfully provide. You don't tell me who you are trying to collect for. You can't find an account without my name and I'm not going to give it to you willingly.
We seem to be at an impasse. Especially since I don't have any overdue bills.
Therefore, you can tell your autodialer to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Sincerely,
Disgusted Alleged Deadbeat
You call me 4-5 times a day. I answer and get a recorded message. I call the toll-free number you so thoughtfully provide. You don't tell me who you are trying to collect for. You can't find an account without my name and I'm not going to give it to you willingly.
We seem to be at an impasse. Especially since I don't have any overdue bills.
Therefore, you can tell your autodialer to GoTo Helyn Wayte.
Sincerely,
Disgusted Alleged Deadbeat
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