Clients who don't pay bills...

Dear Non-Paying Customer,

I do understand that money is tight and we all make sacrifices and sometimes we get a bit behind on our obligations. Heck, that even happens for me sometimes. But, you see, the difference between you and me is that I catch up on things and you seem to think it's fine to just not pay bills for years at a time.

Here's a clue by four to your noggin... ignoring the bill isn't going to make it go away. I suppose that EVENTUALLY the person you owe the money to could, maybe, die but barring that, the bill is going to be hanging out there... looming on your horizon. I can't imagine it's a good way to live.

You're right... the person you owe the money to probably isn't going to take you to Court... and I suppose you COULD be a douchebag and file for bankruptcy after there is a Judgment against you if he does take you to Court. I mean, one douchebag has already pulled that. If you do pull that, I will revel in the fact that you trashed your credit when you probably could have worked out a painless repayment plan.

So remember, next time you want work done you have no intention of paying for, you can GoTo Helyn Wayte!

Sincerely,

The person who does the billing around here

Open letter to bill collector

Dear Bill Collector,

You call me 4-5 times a day. I answer and get a recorded message. I call the toll-free number you so thoughtfully provide. You don't tell me who you are trying to collect for. You can't find an account without my name and I'm not going to give it to you willingly.

We seem to be at an impasse. Especially since I don't have any overdue bills.

Therefore, you can tell your autodialer to GoTo Helyn Wayte.

Sincerely,

Disgusted Alleged Deadbeat