Relationship Fail

Dear Men I have had relationships with,

Lord knows I want to blame all of the fucktardery on you, but I cannot do so in good conscience. I'll admit it, I'm a bitch. I have unreasonable demands and expectations. I expect you to pay attention and know enough about me to know that I want a birthday present and to at least know that you can get ideas from my wishlist (wait... you're telling me you didn't even know I HAD a wishlist? Seriously? I've only pointed it out a dozen times or so...) Anyhoo, you can see that I have some pretty unreasonable standards and I know I can be a pouty/moody bitch when I don't get what I want. And the fact that I don't feel I should have to TELL you what I want is probably another red flag.

When you tell me at the beginning of a relationship that you don't want to get married and then change your mind, don't be surprised when I don't change my mind. Or when I completely go against everything I believe in, marry you and then a decade and a half later divorce you because I never wanted to be married in the first place.

In any case, guys, I'm sorry I screwed up your lives and probably made you hate/mistrust women even more than you did when we first met. I meant it when I said I wouldn't make you miserable like your ex did... I just didn't know at the time that I was going to make you miserable in new and completely different ways. I forgive you for regaling anyone who would listen with tales about what a psychotic, unreasonable bitch I am. You're probably not too far off the mark.

To anyone I may have a relationship with now or in the future... if you think marriage is in the cards, you can GoTo Helyn Wayte.

Charmingly,

The Life Destroying Harpy